Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
老白比徐峥本人可爱多了，不只是有闲有钱，还做事熨贴懂生活情趣：做饭时会在桌上插把花，把孩子弄脏的裙子画上画，特地买了你喜欢的话剧原著送给你，临走前还帮你坏了的鞋拿去修，即使长这样也有魅力。倪虹洁小野猫嗲又灵
皮鞋匠最懂女人心，所以选择单身；
一星给圣诞节，一星给三位女主演。俩小时坐如针毡，在看一篇流水账，毫无生活气毫无冲突的爱情片？喜剧片？文艺片？主线情节更像是一堆网络流行语录包裹下的一个中年男人的幻想。老白的魅力在哪？无。三个女人抢这碗剩饭？老乌那段我看到justin说那个女演员晕倒我就猜到老乌要领便当，可能伏笔伏得太明显之后看到就毫无新意了。Justin的角色是为了说新时代男孩子也可以化妆，没有什么娘不娘的，咋说呢，想法是好的，但是太生硬了，为了说而说，而且没啥深度。btw Justin, get out, ok?全场就你最出戏。
最出彩是睡了索菲亚罗兰的林教头
能看得出来很努力在这个中年人的故事里塞了很多针对年轻观众的糖了，但还是吃不下去，两场餐桌戏都很精彩，可惜支撑不住过长的对话，实在太做作了，浪漫症发作也不过如此了。
肯定会是最近看过的院线片最喜欢的一部，似乎又看到了从前老上海电影里的那种灵气，嬉笑怒骂，男女机锋，处处是埋梗、铺垫和映射，有种知识分子式的幽默感和国产片里少见的轻盈气质（音乐品味也非常可）。这部电影里有真实的女性，真实的欲望/爱情，还有一种非常理想化的生活状态。看似它也被包裹在了一些现实的鸡毛里，但这就是生活：如果六便士不存在，月亮也不会存在。
一个精神上海人拍了一群说着上海话的精神欧洲人的电影
电影院看了不到十分钟我就想跑，也真的不喜欢听上海话… 还好奇怎么大家看起来都那么富裕，有几首歌蛮好听，但总觉得切入的特别生硬
最后的上海人，拼尽全力守卫着法租界，守卫着最后的营垒天平路街道文化活动中心。
学院派导演的娱乐片。比文艺片通俗，比商业片深刻。ps，原来老乌是林冲。
老乌的演员演技最好，演儿子那位上海话和演技都是最拉垮。整体不错，结尾有点太规整了。
感觉不大，可能地理距离近了，反而会扩大心理上的距离吧。2021年的国产片都能听到M83了！
能量充沛的电影，很难得见到这样一部电影，能量从头流到了尾，每一场戏都不缺席，有一种风流的美。这部电影对于人物的塑造，人物关系的展现，剧本的节奏，情节的虚实，对白的明潜差别、重要镜头的选择，都是我最喜欢的，尤其喜欢高跟鞋点出李小姐的情感那一场戏，高招。两位女士订展览馆也让我佩服，有风骨，这部电影拍出了当下的、时髦的四十岁女性的银幕的美丽，三位女性的眼神就像是神话一样被捕捉到被供奉着，我为电影感动，也为导演的创作开心。
+0.5 不喜欢散装叙事，但肯定影院需要这样的电影。舒适的观影体验，不太成熟但不带工业感的行云流水太难得了。离别的悲伤刚刚好，读不进费里尼的大众仍一样，让期待着大道理和深层次观众落空去吧。不是那种导演按头接收信息的电影，所以某一观众的如何不认可、无共鸣之类都不会对另一有过多影响：荧幕里的桃花源就留在荧幕里不好吗？老拿现实抨击他干什么
皮鞋匠最懂女人心，所以选择单身；
如果一部电影真诚质朴生活化，我们会夸它接地气，但如果要接上海的地气则刚好相反，需要拿腔拿调的精致，这一点上《爱情神话》做的很好，我很喜欢里面那些拐着弯的抹不开的台词，那些话里有话的暧昧正好就是上海这座城市的气质，情人的爱、家人的爱、友人的爱就像一条暗河悄无声息地流淌进每个人的心里，一句话概括整部电影就是：爱情没有神话，生活不必庸常。
开始以为是爱情片，总体看下来才发现是我想得太简单了。电影有一种作者型电影的味道，可能因为导演是新导演加上年纪不大，对各种流量密码运用得贴切又搞笑，一点都不流俗还夹杂着一种本土时尚，全片的吴侬软语非常有特点，中间插几句普通话，那种幽默的感觉自然而然的就冒了出来，片中的各类主演也选得很贴切，徐峥演这类生活类的角色也很顺手，最厉害的是电影中完全不避讳各个年龄段生活中面对的各类问题，还有各种自我讽刺。导演在电影里带了太多小心思，大家看的时候，肯定能有很多小惊喜。这种电影太适合圣诞节去看了，自己，朋友，恋人都适合的那种。
刚好是在上海的平安夜，看完只想说：太灵了！有点Woody Allen的感觉～
轻巧，温馨，无害。大都会里什么都有：男人女人混血人，像男的的女人和像女的的男人，要啥有啥，一应俱全。虚化的背景，柔化的前景，好像说了什么，又好像什么都没说，一个个儿好像是真人，但又好像不是。赵丽蓉怎么说的来着？白里透着红啊，红里透着黑。黑不溜秋，绿了吧唧儿，蓝哇哇儿地，紫不溜湫，粉嘟嘟儿地透着那个美。也许该去贺岁？也许不该。
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